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PNS 326 show notes by her Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II --
Good evening. Buffy did it. The Simpsons do it all the time. Heck, even Xena: Warrior Princess did it – twice. It’s the all-singing episode, a cavalcade of shrillcasting that makes you laugh, cry and poop yourself a little bit. It all starts with a gift from listener Kenneth of Hawaii, which used to be called the Sandwich Islands when I owned them. He sent a karaoke CD and the boys just can’t resist their natural urge to work the word “dildo” into every tune. Watch out, Stephen Sondheim! Special guests include Cher, another Cher, the Weather Girls, and Celine. Celebrate your gyne, come on! The Stalker-Rapist-Serial Killer breaks in and the boys are totally up for some casual rape but the Stalker-Rapist-Serial Killer has limits, it seems. A man broke into my bedroom in 1982. He was kinda hot and I was ready to get it on but he just wanted to chat, damn it. Watching fat people fall over is always amusing. It’s why I let the Duchess of York hang around – she’s always tripping over the corgis. Splat! Listeners want to know which Dynasty diva or horse-hung porn star everyone prefers. Alexis Carrington Colby with a strap-on, obviously. With A Hint of Skids®. I have to go. We’ve got 300 people coming to the palace for a state dinner for His Imperial Majesty the Emperor Akihito of Japan, and I need to get this dildo out of my A first. Liz out.

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PNS325 Hopin' to find, we're two of a kind.

PNS 325 show notes by her Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II --
Good evening. One is pleased to note that Rob has returned to put the R back into PNSexplosion. Oh, that didn’t work. Moving on. The show opens with a lovely rendition of the “Silver Spoons” theme someone sent in. Who? I guess we’ll never know. [ed. note-- this was by Kentie from theflatusshow.com Thanks Kentie!!] Instead, Cher’s Kitty Litter View Oscar Extravaganza is hosted by her, Cher, and her son daughter Chazzy. Liza thinks she’s back at Studio 54, dancing the night away with Margaret Trudeau, who used to go there to deal with her bipolar depression. Another bonkers French-Canadian, Celine Dion, drops by the poop pit. Her fart will go on. Andy-not-Andrew Melton is too famous to pick up. The phone, that is. On the Food Network they’re making a cake for Miley Cyrus. I hope someone smacks it into Billy Ray’s face as payback for “Achy Breaky Heart”. The Oscars are coming up. Helen Mirren won Best Actress in 2007 for playing me, the queen, in “The Queen”. Her tits weren’t quite as magnificent as mine but otherwise, not bad. I made her a Dame for her troubles. Isn’t a blart a blood fart? America’s Podcast Curmudgeon, Chris Gieger, takes a day off to enjoy the asexual Morrissey’s new album and watch the sexless “High School Musical 3”. From "Something Is Squeezing My Skull" to “We're All in This Together” – talk about an emotional roller-coaster. Whoa! Denise Rish-ards, who was voted Worst Bond Girl of All Time for playing a nuclear physicist in a tank top and hot pants, just celebrated her 38th birthday. Rob’s back from playing a drunk in a play where a cute tot called Hedvig drops dead. Good times, Henrik Ibsen. Seriously, Pat will keep asking you to sponsor his greasy diarrhea blasts until you do it, so cough up $5 through PayPal and get a shout out on the rilly big shew. You know they’re funnier with a coupla wines in ’em. The Stalker-Rapist-Serial Killer drops by to threaten everyone. Winky icon! The first time I masturbated was at the investiture of Prince Constantine Alexios of Greece. Yes! Yes! Yes! Speed dial 206 888 GAYZ to Aks the Gaywads or send the Fax of Life. Drizzle your comments over pnsexplosion.com. Serve immediately. Liz out

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PNS324 How to get Mexican dinner tax free.

PNS 324 show notes by her Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II --
Good evening. Enjoy these delightful songs about bum flu, blow, and schoolgirls with BMIs over 40. Ask them to play “Gimme Some Cake!” at your next Zumba class. No, Nell Carter, you diabetic dyke. Not you. It’s easy to pick up quadriplegics. Just kick a Lego under their wheels and have your way with them. Wheeee! Irrelevant Pop Culture Moment: Ryan Adams liked it so he put a ring on it, “it” being Demi Moore’s, I mean Michael Moore’s, I mean Julianne Moore’s, I mean Roger Moore’s, I mean Mandy Moore’s nipple. I mean finger. Wait – which one is Ryan Adams again? Thankfully, Noah’s Oscar gown comes with OdorShield. Cojo turned into a fugu because he broke the golden rule: never accept loans or kidneys from friends. So what’s Chazzy’s excuse? From ‘When Patrick Met Noah’: “I’ll shrillcast what he’s shrillcasting.” Madonna is shtuping a fresh favelado called Jesus. Their orgasms must be hilarious. The French word for dildo is godemichet. Isn’t that right, Lourdes? Use your flex spend account to buy new Summer’s Eve with a Hint of Candidiasis. Gently insert the Comfortip nozzle into your vagina, no more than 3 inches, and slowly squeeze the bottle. Oof! I’m in here! NAMBLAites love you even more when you’re totally asking for it. Cha-wa-wa. You say it. Cha-wa-wa. The next celebrity to start slapping and biting girls: Kevin Jonas. Say “Dobri den” to a pack of Parliaments. Joan Crawford smoked ’em. So does Lindsay Lohan. Speaking of smokin’ Ukrainians, Denise Richards’ dance partner is Maksim Aleksandrovich Chmerkovskiy. She calls him “Maks.” He calls her “Denise Rish-ards.” A random phrase to keep the young ’uns happy: FuCkIn WiT mE pAyZ -- mEsS aRoUnD n LeAvE yA dAzEd. For reals: Liza Minnelli ran offstage during a concert to tell Lorna Luft to pull Nell Carter out of the audience and get her into rehab, stat. Talk about a pot/kettle/black situation. I can’t feel my feet! Liz out.

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PNS323 Chile Mac

The following show notes by her royal majesty Queen Elizabeth II--

Good evening. One often asks oneself, “Where are those gynes?” God, I could really go a handsome woman right about now. Speaking of hot guys in Highway to Heaven, Paul Walker – you may remember him from films such as The Fast and the Furious, 2 Fast 2 Furious and the upcoming Fast & Furious – once did a guest spot as a full-functioning retarded. Pics here. Aspergers, Krillenbergers, what next? If Chris Brown and Cisco had a baby, it would be called Crisco. Noah’s improv ups my heart rate, too. I'll tell you what Stevie Wonder won’t be seeing – besides anything – is this shitstorm. That bitch was totally asking for it. Out now for the Nintendo Wii: Gerald’s Game Sunshine. One is always falling on things with one’s mouth open – just ask the Duke of Edinburgh. Gulp! Can I tell you a secret? I hate “God Save the Queen”. I’ve heard it every day for 83 fucking years. Enough! Chicks with Dicks Gone Wild, anyone? I don’t eat red meat, either. I just put it in my mouth, swish it around and spit it out. Mmm hmm. What is a “pop tart”? Is it anything like a “Geri Halliwell”? Where's Scott? What movie is this quote from: “I'm standing there with my pants down and my crotch hung out for the world to see and three guys are sticking it to me, a bunch of other guys are yelling and clapping and you're standing there telling me that that's the best you can do.” That’s right, it was Paul Blart: Mall Cop. One is so pleased our schools are teaching children to be useful. One needs to take a dump. Liz out.

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PNS322 Mmm Hmm

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PNS321 Full-Functioning Retarded

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PNS320 Union Unionizer

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