PNS335 And then there's me.

PNS 335 Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Miss Beatrice Arthur -- Hello, all you marvelous people. It’s good to Bea here. See? I’ve still got it. And by “it” I mean vestigial penis. Ha! Now, let’s listen in to this wonderful show, shall we? Noah and Patrick are back in the stujoe, joined by David J, who’s soft in Pat’s cans. I’m a little soft in the cans myself, if you catch my drift. Thank you. Thank you so much. An adorable young person called Miley Cyrus comes by to promote her new motion picture, “A Journey Into Womanhood.” She sounds like a man. Then again, so do I. Do you know Miley’s real name? Leave it in the comments if you do. Mine is Bernice Frankel. I know – it sounds like a car backing up over a grocery cart. Be careful, Miley, my dear. Hollywood will chew you up and spit you out – straight into your own hit one-woman show on Broadway. And Elaine Stritch will still be right there to steal your Tony from under you. I should know! Get a copy of the first 300 episodes of PNS - it’s $50 through pnsexplosion@gmail.com at PayPal. If that’s too much, buy my CD “Bea Arthur on Broadway - Just Between Friends” instead. It’s horrible, but it’s only $16.98 on Amazon. Time to play Make It Dirty – the NPR Edition. I listen to “All Things Cuntsidered” and “As Shit Happens.” Have you seen those “Whatever” girls? I’ve got two words for you: verbal diarrhea. Speaking of shit, let me tell you something: space docking is delightful fun. In my day we called it an Alaskan Pipeline. Who wouldn’t want a frozen log of doo-doo in their hoo-ha? Brrrr! Kentie from The Flatus Show podcast calls to ask about gay faux pas. I went to a White Party once. It was a Republican convention. Ha! Thank you. Thank you so much. In her movies, Ashley Judd is always on the verge of being raped. She needs to lay off the roofies. I had to go see Estelle’s movies when we were making “The Golden Girls.” My god, people. I mean, I loved her, even if she was only a year older than me and she was playing my mother. But “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot”? I was dry retching for days. The Olympics might come to Chicago, so soon it will cost $5 a minute to park in the Loop. I’m huge in Chicago. Actually, I’m huge in my stockinged feet. Thank you. Thank you so much. The Conversation Hat is back! David J wants to know if something can make you gay. Yes, it can: watching seasons 1 through 6 of “Maude.” And then there’s me. A big shrillcast finish with “Big Spender.” Nope – aborted due to lack of cues. Oh, my. It’s up to Miley to top it off. Thank you, dear. I can’t tell you what a thrill it has been for me to be with you all tonight. Thank you so much. I love you all! Please, stop. Oh, you have.!
PNS335
19 Comments:
Okay, whoever's doing these show notes is hilarious. I love em! "Thank you. Thank you so much." Brilliant. Haven't even listened to the show yet but sure that it's brilliant too.
Destiney!!! Baarf!
omg. i totally bought men's exercise and exercise for men only. the two gayest straight magazines i could buy when i was too young to buy porn. i might still have them. hmm...
w00t! Return of the Conversation Hat!
Loved the show, homos, especially the return of cunt-versation hat. Noah reminded me of the showgirls fart-fest, probably one of the funniest things I've ever seen.
Cheerio
I believe homo-osity (gaytivity?) is definitely nature. I'm even older than David J. (way older... *sob*) and there was definitely nothing out there for us poor homo boys to make us that way.
I remember as a little boy hating sports and loving musicals (I played the 48 rpm multiple-record recording of South Pacific with Mary Martin over and over again). I had a crush on Tim, the counselor at my day camp. I died and went to heaven when I saw Peter C. in the showers at school.
For as long as I can remember, I was gay. I still recall watching the news with my parents when I was quite young; there was a story about a homosexual aide to a politician and I asked my mother, "What's a homosexual?"
She explained to me, "A homosexual is a man who likes other men the way normal men like women. Homosexuals are very, very bad people."
With that one simple explanation, my mother taught me simultaneously that there are others out there like me and I that I needed to hide my real self from my friends and family.
thank you for sharing that. that is horrible you had to hear that at such a young age. we have come a long way, baby!
LOLS
i used to enjoy the hot men's cologne ad models in premiere magazine. remember when premiere magazine used to be twice the size it is now? at that time it was filled with the dirtiest damn ads this side of the mason-dicks-on. THOSE were the days: you could read about Goldie Hawn & Meryl Streep in Death Becomes Her AND get your jollies looking at men that literally smelled delicious. xo Joe
i do 'member that mag and those ads very fondly.
Why has no one shared Medavog with me?
Kinda cute, but insane.
He has become my new obsession.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6_YZgc92os
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZbLqkdOlgg&feature=related
How mush do you weigh?
It was really strange for me to read Jim's comment. I had almost the exact same conversation with my mom when I was growing up, except she left of the last, "very bad people" comment. And I grew up in 70's. My mom was ahead of her time. I'm not gay, but I'm still grateful to her for being so open-minded. Because of the lack of homophobia in our home I made some of the best friends that I still have. My mom wasn't totally without prejudice, though. She thought that women who didn't wear bras were tramps. That was pretty common in the 70's, so our town had a fair number of tramps. Hey, nobody's perfect.
Jim, I'm sorry you had that experience. As Patrick said, "we've come a long way," and it's true. I don't have any gay siblings, but none of them are homophobic and they are raising their children to know that being gay is normal, happy, and healthy.
I vote for nature.
As a kid, I never played "cops and robbers;" I played "Charlies Angels."
Seriously.
We stole clothes from our mothers or found them in the trash on trash collection day - two boys across the street, Steven and Ronnie, and my younger brother and me... one of us always had to be Bosley and we hated it.
And THAT was how I spent my summer vacations in the 1970's.
when i was 3 i announced to my parents that when I grew up I either wanted to be a ballet dancer or a fireman. Dance belts and big thick hoses. You figure it out. Aoooga, honk honk.
This show totally should have been called Clit Veneers.
I used to read my sister's Babysitter's Club books. Then when the franchise had gotten a bit stale, and she was over it, I bought my own copy of the Vacation Special double-sized issue, the one where they all go on the cruise.
I never did much like that Jilly-cum-lately upstart Mallory.
Oh, I also much preferred Nancy Drew and Trixie Belden (Trixie!) to the Hardy Boys. Though in hindsight, I probably should have been into the Hardy boys. And by into, I mean...
My parents knew I would grow up to be a queen.
It's eery how good David J's NPR voice is.
I hadn't listened to the entire ep when I left my feedback...As a child, a very creative child, I used toilet paper and paper towel roles and tin foil to make Wonder Woman bracelets and tiara. I also loved playing Bionic Woman. No wonder I love PNS. *Sheesh*
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